"No one gets here on a winning streak." That's what one of my support group friends has said to me two weeks in a row. No one gets to where you're at right now on a winning streak. Her words seem to have more weight because of how long ago she changed her circumstances. And I'll tell you, for the last week, they've been bothering me.
The message being that everyone has gone through some things and had to rebuild. That I'm not alone in that. But having gone through what I've gone through, I don't let other people tell me about myself. It was a mistake that cost me dearly, because not everything you are told about yourself by other people is true. It is dangerous when someone purposefully lies to you about yourself to serve their own needs.
So, dear friend, it is not up to you to determine whether or not I am on a winning streak. And you bet your ass I am on one. You have no idea what this moment represents.
I am alive, which is something I wasn't sure I was going to be allowed to be for several years. I have the freedom to breathe and relax now that my divorce is final. I am now free to take care of myself and I am healthier and more peaceful. I managed to secure a job with 75% less stress making almost the same amount of money. I have the freedom, time and energy to decide what the next chapter of my life is going to look like. I have the freedom to make decisions about my life I wasn't free to do 6 months ago, let alone 2-3 years ago. I have the knowledge and the strength to say no to people and situations that are taking advantage of me. I can stand up for myself now. I regained my confidence and my self-worth. I got my voice back. I am happier than I have been in a very long time.
We're both looking at the same moment and seeing two very different things. And that's okay. But don't tell me I'm not winning. Because I am. Alive, free and happy -- those are things I never thought I'd see again.
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